If you’re a woman in your 30s or older and you’re aware of some changes going on in your body, mind, and emotions that make you wonder “everything is okay,” this Medium series is a “must read.”By reading this article and grabbing my 10 Tips to Kickstart Your Slow Metabolism.
The number one complaint I hear from women in their 40s and over is that they can’t “lose weight” like they used to in their 20s and 30s.
Really frustrating me.
But not for the reasons you might think.
Mind you, I’m not frustrated that they “can’t lose weight”. I can help them do that with some strategic changes…
It frustrates me that these incredible women think their weight is the most important thing. This upsets them so much that it prompts them to seek expert advice.
Don’t get me wrong now…I’m glad they found me instead of getting caught up in some web of supplement throwers. That “miracle” carousel was an expensive ride!
I work with talented, compassionate, and creative women. Women are leaders, risk-takers and change-makers. They’re not superficial at all, so don’t throw the “They’re just superficial women” card. I assure you they are not.
No wonder even the most amazing women among us feel this way when you look at the information we’ve been exposed to throughout our lives. Especially now that our eyeballs are glued to the screen most of our waking hours and everything we read is filled with ads.
Society makes sure that we receive a loud and clear message that “you have to be this or that size to matter”. We did it. There is no static on that line.
We don’t choose to think about these ideas. We’ve passively embraced the ability to think about these things through media messaging, retail store merchandising, social media “influencers,” TV, magazines, and more.
In fact, when we are thinking rationally about the topic, we can interrupt the thought pattern and replace it with a more positive approach. Trouble is, interruptions are just a blip on the screen of constant brainwashing, and our weight (or size) is inversely related to our desires.
In other words, the heavier you are and the bigger you are, the less expected of you. Even though that is absolute and utter crap, no matter who we are, we still sometimes think deeply about it. I have my moments too.
We all desire to be desired. It’s an innate need, similar to our need for belonging.
Depending on what you read, you’ll see startling statistics related to how often women have negative thoughts about their bodies. Whether it’s a general weight, or a specific body part, we waste countless hours criticizing our bodies.
Time we will never return!
Time can be better spent on what really matters.
Women spend the vast majority of their lives fighting with their bodies in pursuit of a certain figure. It’s a lose-lose situation.
When “weight loss” is the goal, both our bodies and our minds are lost.
Our bodies lose nutrients as a consequence of dieting and increase nearly every hormone on the list. Our minds get lost because the dieting mindset sets the “you versus it” situation.
When your mind is at war with your body, you are the loser of that proverbial stick.
As birthdays roll around, our waistlines often expand. This is a common phenomenon. And fully explained by science. The answer lies in our hormonal profile, not our personality.
In my previous post titled “Breaking out of self-judgment purgatory when you’re a middle-aged woman in business”. The message we receive from birth is that our “weight” matters, not our makeup. (I’m saying that last sentence.)
What really matters is what our bodies are made of. These are the questions we need to ask ourselves:
- How dense are our bones?
- What about our skeletal muscles?
- Does our midsection carry too much fat?
- How much belly fat accumulates around our organs? (This is also known as belly fat, and it’s the most dangerous of all the places we store unused energy.)
This really important conversation needs to revolve around body composition (the ratio of lean to fat mass), not the numbers on the scale.
Now don’t think I’m saying weight doesn’t matter. It does.
Your lean body mass is only so much. Anything above that is excess water and body fat.
The excess water is retained to dilute the toxins that our bodies cannot excrete through normal channels.
There is also a certain amount of body fat in the healthy category. This fat has an important job. One of them is keeping our hormones active. Anything above this considered healthy amount is redundant and turns to the dark side (sort of), which starts to jack up with our hunger and satiety signals and releases inflammatory chemicals that can cause their own destruction.
Body fat is hormonally active and not great. To add gasoline to a dumpster fire, body fat releases inflammatory deposits. Plus, for many women, it’s a dumping ground for toxic waste. These toxins build up due to the toxic environment we live in and the waste in our food and water. Combined with the toxins found in personal care products, it’s a recipe for disaster.
When we have too much body fat, it’s a sign that our bodies aren’t at optimal levels.
It in no way shows that it is a flaw in our character.
Over time, you’ve been so focused on your career that you may have inadvertently taken the focus away from your health and well-being. This is not unheard of when we are committed to our work. What we intend to be a short-lived pastime can turn into years as we eagerly pursue our goals and dreams.
If you start retaining more fat in your belly, it’s your body trying to tell you that everything is actually bad.
She is trying to get your attention.
Will you listen to her?
When you can strengthen your “ally” status, you may be waging an unwinnable war with your body.
The best way I know to do this is by implementing my 12-step strategy to keep your body and brain from giving up. In this post, I will share with you three of the twelve.
If you face it, you don’t like what you see in the mirror and are frustrated because you can’t put on the clothes you used to wear, I have good news. The 12-step strategy I share with you in this series is a roadmap for correcting underlying factors. Correct these and watch the “weight” take care of itself.
The 12-step strategy involves not only the physical parameters of fat loss, hormones, nutrition, and fuel, but also the mental and emotional aspects of healing our bodies from our dieting history. It’s a comprehensive approach that will meet your needs and help you get a clear picture of where you want to go and why.
You have important work to do.
But you realize that unless you change the way you do things, your health and happiness will come down to another cost of doing business.
You know you need to do better, but what?
A healthier, more energetic, more energetic you awaits you. You’ve probably pretty much given up on that vision because everything you try is another lesson in failure….
I distilled the strategy down to 12 simple steps.
Note that I said “easy”, not “easy”. They are not synonyms. It’s worth noting that these simple steps will get easier as you develop a mindset of prioritizing them and a habit of supporting continuing to do so.
The first 3 items will point you in the right direction.
Step 1 is step 1 because by far the action has the greatest impact when it is right for the job. TIA (Take Action Now).
The modern default is to procrastinate. You may not “feel” doing anything, but remember: activity determines feeling, not the other way around.
Sometimes we spend more time mentally rearranging the game than we did just doing the damn thing in the first place. I know I must have!
This step is especially important for short- and long-term success.
You have to keep track of your actions. If you don’t, you won’t know what to change to get the desired result.
Hopes and prayers to lose weight (more specifically “lose weight”) are not a real thing.
When it comes to losing weight in your favor, you have to keep track of what (and when) you eat so you can find the best formula. As you track, you’ll get a better look at portion sizes. Often, we underestimate how much we eat. It’s a human thing. If you don’t keep records, you’ll jump from shiny object to shiny object, Diet to Diet, “miracle” supplement to “miracle” supplement.
The wrong way to lose fat can lead to quitting…and quitting is not an option for your long-term health.
Not on my watch. Not under the watchful eye of the women in the Unraveling Together CoWorking community. We’re committed to being the best version of ourselves, and we’ll show up to do this work for ourselves, but we’re never alone while we do it. Working with other women is powerful. We are truly stronger together.
This leads me to the third and final step I’m sharing with you today.
As mentioned in step 1, the default setting for humans is to procrastinate. That is, step 1 (act now) must be embodied.
Making sure it’s the right action is crucial. Not too little and not too much.
Having a skilled advisor is a way to compress the learning curve, avoid giving up, and break through mental barriers you didn’t even know were holding you back.
This is where #12 shines…
I am as independent as they are. This is a core value. I also teach clients how to be independent.
I want you to be independent of the hype. Take conventional wisdom at face value. Independent of fake food. from drugs. From limiting beliefs. e’rything that never serves you well.
Wherever you go, you’re faced with some kind of marketing trying to influence you to buy into a dependent life known as “convenience.” Every. Where. you. go.
You have to build immunity to the hype. You do this through education and regular exercise of your habitual muscles.
This Unlock the CoWorking community together It’s the place where rebellious women build that immunity and opt out of the future so many Americans are destined to have when they follow conventional wisdom and the status quo it engenders.
Grab my start your rebellion 10 Tips to Kickstart Your Slow Metabolism Then TIA (step #1)!
Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing the remaining 9 steps of my 12-step strategy for never giving up on the body and mind, and how to get out of the revolving door of failure known as “dieting”!
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